


All That Mattered

by whcalmwaves



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:15:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4231866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whcalmwaves/pseuds/whcalmwaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the horrifying first lap crash in the Austrian Grand Prix, the thoughts of three men were thrown into turmoil, laden with worry for that one special person in their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Mattered

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that endearing radio from JB, and also by the many talented authors who spent so much of their precious time writing such wonderful tales for us to enjoy. 
> 
> This is my first attempt in fan fiction in this verse. Please excuse any mistakes and the rather tedious length. I couldn’t stop once I started :)

"It's the Austrian Grand Prix. Lights out and away we go!"

Twenty cars were gleaming under the beautiful Austrian sunshine, lined up on the grid at the picturesque Red Bull Ring. All eyes were on the starting line, ready for another battle between the mighty Mercedes, perhaps with a challenge or two from the lone Ferrari at the front or the Williamses. Off they went, the TV cameras focusing on the front of the grid. Abruptly, a single camera shifted and zoomed in on two cars. Two cars in an terrifyingly odd position, one stacked on top of another. A McLaren perched precariously on the guardrails sitting on top of a Ferrari....

\--------------------------------------------------------------

"This is it, I must really show that I still have what it takes. After yesterday's shitty qualifying, I must make up for it today." The thoughts of the Iceman were naturally focused on the race that was about to start. A race under the watchful eyes of the big bosses now sitting in the Ferrari garage. Lights out, and Kimi lunged forward in his Ferrari, making a good start. Turn one, moving on to turn two, it had gotten into a squeeze with the Lotuses just ahead and the Force India closing in. From his rear mirror, he could also see a McLaren coming up from behind, having made a blindingly quick start from its last row grid position. That was when he felt things starting to go wrong, massive wheelspin and he started to lose the rear of the car. Kimi desperately tried to control his car while keeping his foot down, for fear of losing position to the cars behind. A sharp correction on his steering but to no avail, only resulting in him losing it altogether and veering sharply to the left, smashing hard into the innocent McLaren which had no chance to escape, resulting in both careening towards the rail guards. The strong impact set the hapless McLaren over the Ferrari, as the red car dragged it over the rails, until both mercifully came to a stop.

Kimi felt dizzy from the collision, but could sense that he himself at least was still intact. The McLaren was perched dangerously just centimetres from his head, but thankfully did not hit him. That and having the presence of mind to remove his hands from the steering wheel as the McLaren slid over him during the collision was the reason why he was able to escape any serious consequence from the crash. But what of the McLaren driver, is he all right? The car took such a big hit from his own car and was now balancing dangerously over him. Was it Jenson or Fernando? In the back of his mind, Kimi knew who it was, having caught a glimpse of the driver helmet when the McLaren appeared in his mirror. The distinctive colours that he was all too familiar with. No no no, not Fernando, not his Nano......

His Nano, from all those years ago. His helmet colours had not changed that much from his Renault days, except during his single year in McLaren in 2007. Now that Fernando was back in McLaren at the team's earnest bidding, his Spanish colours were once again sitting proudly on his helmet. The colours that Kimi knew so well, from years of being together with his Nano. Their relationship started innocuously enough in the early years, both of them entering the sport in the same year. Kimi remembered how fresh faced a nineteen year old Fernando looked at that time. Their contact in those early years were limited, being in different teams. Things started to change subtly, as both rose to prominence with their respective teams. Kimi remembered so clearly his first victory in Malaysia, a podium that was shared with Fernando. 

Increasing, Kimi found himself attracted to the Spaniard, especially to the mess of curls that seemed to always peak out from his cap. Kimi was never one to pay too much attention to physical attributes, much less those of a fellow competitor, but somehow he was curiously attracted to how Fernando’s hair looked, perhaps it was how the sunlight bounced off those lustrous brown curls that gave it a special glow, and appeared as if it was streaked with gold as he stood on the podium. There was just something that caught his attention every time. They met more and more often, on the podiums, during post race conferences for top three finishers, and by design or not, more often in the paddock too. The cursory greetings and small talk gradually turned into longer and longer chats. In time, Kimi found that he had come to know Fernando’s person beneath the public face, whom he admired even more. Fortunately for the Finn, the attraction between them was mutual, and when they finally confessed their feelings for each other and got together after Fernando’s first win in Hungary, Kimi was deliriously happy, and he knew so was Fernando.

In public, Kimi kept up his icy image practising extreme economics with his words. Once in private with his Nano, Kimi could somehow talk and talk. There were just so many things he could talk to with his Nano. In contrast, Fernando, who in public had never been one to shy away from professing his own opinion, was relatively quiet when with Kimi. He preferred to listen to his Iceman talk, something that he could never get enough of. They complemented each other perfectly. It was thus for a good few years, their relationship was kept a secret of course, not easy but they somehow managed to. It survived the triumphs for Fernando in his championship years while Kimi's own championship hopes faltered, it survived the turmoil of Fernando's stormy year in McLaren, in turn becoming Kimi's year of glory; it survived them both languishing in the sport the couple of years thereafter. However, ultimately it did not survive that cruel twist of fate and the ensuing misunderstanding that descended upon them. 

Fernando had always been keen to be in the same team as Kimi. Part of the reason why he decided to leave Renault was the prospect of driving in the same team as Kimi in McLaren. Alas Kimi had an offer he could not refuse from Ferrari and Fernando's hopes were shattered. When the opportunity arose again in 2009, Fernando grabbed it with both hands. It was unbeknown to Kimi at that time as Fernando had intended it to be a surprise. He signed a contract to join Ferrari the next year, all the time thinking that Kimi would be his teammate next year. Unfortunately, the terrible accident that happened to Felipe and his subsequent miraculous recovery brought about a deep sense of obligation for the red team towards Felipe and prompted a change in Ferrari's mind about who they wanted to replace to make way for their new star. Kimi was furious when he learned that his contract would be terminated, and felt totally hurt and betrayed when he found out who was to replace him one year early. Without the understanding of why the one whom he loved the most came to be the one who stabbed him in the back, he refused to see Fernando nor listen to his explanations. Thus leaving both heartbroken and alone. Eventually Kimi did realize the folly of his impulsiveness in driving his Nano away and later discovered from a mutual friend the reason for Fernando joining his team, but by then it was too late for any hopes to rekindle the relationship.

When Kimi returned to the sport in 2012, he was concerned about coming in touch with Fernando again. However, the fears were unfounded and he found that he could come face to face with Fernando with equanimity and even managed a word or two when they did come across each other in the paddock. He found that he could behave with perfect indifference to Fernando and treated him as nothing more than a passing acquaintance, although what he thought in private was something quite different all together.

When they finally became teammates in 2014, thing started rather awkwardly but as they had greater issues with the car, all concerns with personal relationships were put to the back of Kimi's mind. They were cordial to each other, and tried their best to work together with the team to improve the car although to not much avail, since most of the problems stemmed from a poor power unit. The competition between them was rather one-sided too, as Kimi struggled with the new regulations and an ill handling car, even though the media tried to play up their differences terming their rivalry as Fire vs Ice. Both men who were by now veterans of the sport understood that these were merely games played out in the circus, and remained polite to each other. Although Kimi sometimes wished that Fernando was not so polite with him, as he missed the playful banter that they used to enjoy in private. The Finn realized however that was firmly in the past, and he told himself that they were both better off without the other. Nevertheless, during the times when he was honest with himself, he knew that deep down, his Nano would always occupy a special place in his heart. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is Fernando ok? Is Fernando ok?" Jenson was trying his best to sound calm on the radio. He had just witnessed the terrifying crash between Kimi and Fernando, being just behind them. He slowed his car to check on both men and saw the horrible sight of his teammate's car on top of the Ferrari. He couldn't see how the two drivers were as he had to keep his own car moving, he was already retaken by the Red Bull and had his hard work at the start neutralized due to his slowing down. Fear of something serious happening to either driver started to seep in, but he couldn't help but worry more for his teammate, whose car looked to have been smashed into the guardrails with the big hit from the Ferrari. “He will be fine, he will be fine” Jenson repeated to himself as he followed the train of cars behind the safety car....

This weekend had been terrible for the whole team. Before even turning a wheel, both he and Fernando were already facing the prospect of harsh penalties due to engine changes. Numerous problems during the practices only compounded the poor situation. Fernando had tried his best to be upbeat nevertheless, cracking jokes in the garage and tweeting that picture of them under an umbrella in the rain. Jenson had laughed when he saw that tweet. It was just so Fernando, to be tweeting some unexpected pictures or messages on his favourite form of social media. Two weeks ago after the miserable race in Canada, Fernando had also tweeted something to make him smile, an alternative way of looking at the classification. Of course being the ultra competitive Fernando, his way of viewing it still had himself first and Jenson second, but it warmed Jenson's heart that his teammate tried to cheer him up and he promptly replied a cheeky reply. 

Jenson had known Fernando for so many years, starting when he himself was still with Renault, and Fernando joined Minardi as a rookie. He first met Fernando during that Renault car launch in Venice, before Fernando was announced as a Minardi driver and was part of the Renault team of reserve drivers under Flavio. Jenson still had fond recollections of that meeting, how Fernando looked, rather shy and awkward, yet so adorable with a brilliant smile, under the glare of many onlookers at St Marco's square. Jenson thought at that time that this fresh faced newbie looked more like a school boy still in his mid teens, rather than someone about to join the elite group of the world's best drivers. 

Through the years, their respective fortunes in the sport rose and fell. Fernando became a double champion while he himself was plodding in the middle of the grid with Williams and Bar Honda. Then came his own triumphant year with Brawn but by then Fernando was languishing in the uncompetitive Renault. Jenson reckoned they could be considered friends, always being polite to each other with the occasion joke or two during drivers’ meeting, but not much more beyond. But he had always loved to see Fernando smile, that brilliant radiant smile that warmed him like the Mediterranean sun.

Thereafter came the time when both were at the big teams, traditional rivals Ferrari and McLaren. Fernando was the golden boy of his team, often seen as the one carrying the illustrious team on his shoulders. While he himself was perhaps not as much lauded, he was not faring too badly either against his much heralded teammate in the first three of his McLaren years. By a quirky turn of fate, perhaps due to the floundering performances of their respective teams in 2013 and 2014, they were brought together, finally at the same team, the reunited McLaren Honda.

The Fernando that Jenson now had close contact with, seemed somewhat different, in Jenson's eyes at least. In essence, there had been no big change in the man, Fernando as always was supremely confident in public of his own abilities, but somewhat shy and reserved in private. But there was an added air of calmness to him, an almost of unperturbed sense of being in spite of the great difficulties that they were going through. In Jenson's mind, there was no doubt the whole team was having a tough time this year, but so much more for Fernando. The horrid preseason with Fernando suffering that strange crash and missing the first race, the string of failures and bad luck that seemed to follow him each race, the constant media scrutiny on his relationship with the team that he fell out so spectacularly with and yet return to, the constant questioning and mocking of his decision to leave Ferrari. So many sources of stress on top of the strain of being an F1 driver, yet Fernando seemed to remain so calm and positive, just taking it all in. He was always smiling, showing encouragement to the engineers and mechanics, and at the same time working so hard to improve the car. Even Ron, grumpy nitpicking old Ron seemed to have grown rather fond of this returned prodigal son; Jenson have caught Ron smiling a fatherly type of smile at his teammate, something the Brit had previously never thought possible. But more surprising for Jenson, were his own personal feelings for his teammate. It has somehow grown , from a sense of camaraderie with a teammate, to a feeling of fondness, and more alarmingly, to a feeling of a vague inexplicable attraction. 

It surely was a shock for Jenson when he realized he had feelings for his teammate. For Fernando was strictly out of bounds, not just from maintaining a professional relationship point of view, but even more so from a personal point of view. For he, Jenson Button, good bloke that he was, was surely not one to steal a most cherished love from his best mate! Yet, despite his best endeavours, those feelings for his teammate grew.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Have fun out there, damn those penalties. Go get them all, Fer! XOXO" Mark had just finished sending over his text and started to relax in his house in England, enjoying the weekend off after the hectic week at Le Mans. He had so wanted to go to Austria for the race, but finally decided against it after some persuasion from his little lion, who knew how exhausted he was from the long endurance race. Indeed he needed a rest after driving his heart out at Le Mans. Coming in second was good, and with a sister car taking the top step, it was definitely a fantastic result for the whole team, but Mark definitely wanted more and couldn't help feeling disappointed at taking the second spot on the podium. He did not remain down beat for long though, as the podium celebrations got underway, and even more so after, when to his utter surprise and delight, someone was waiting for him at the Porsche motorhome. Mark was so happy to see him that he almost jumped over the table to take him into his arms, but managed to restrain himself just so. Mark couldn't help but smile at the memory of what happened once they went back to the privacy of his hotel room that day.

Now, his Fer was about to start the race in Austria and Mark was seated comfortably in their sofa waiting to cheer him on from a distance. In the morning, he had tweeted something in support of his best mate Jenson about the silly penalties. The original tweet included Fernando as well, since they both suffered the same fate, but at the last minute Mark decided against including his name. A more personal message would be better, he thought, and hence the text, even though they had just spoken on the phone in the hours leading to the race.

For now, it was lights out and race on, Mark was trying to catch the tail end of the grid which was unfortunately not shown on TV. The cameras were all focused on the Mercs and how Nico had snatched the lead from his teammate. Mark was just wondering how Fernando was faring when he spotted the red alert on the McLaren live update, an app that he installed on his ipad and used nowadays to better track how Fernando and Jenson were faring over a race weekend. The camera on the FOM TV feed switched to the disturbing sight of a Ferrari and McLaren tangled together. Mark could feel his heart in his throat, and he found it hard to breathe. No no no, not another crash, please be all right Fer, please be all right.....

 

Mark had always been intrigued by the young hotshot that was Fernando Alonso. He remembered the blindingly fast Spaniard whom he first met when both were competing in the lower formulae. That they shared a manager in Flavio gave them many chances to come together and they developed a quick friendship with each other in the early years of their career. Fernando was obviously supremely talented, more so than anyone whom Mark had competed against. He could already see that clearly in their first year of competing together in F1. From his early years in the sport, Fernando grown from strength to strength, soon beating the best of them all and was crowned world champion. While the steps in Mark's own career had been much less significant, he was content with biding his time and took pleasure in observing the phenomenal success of his young friend, who with his success in the sport and becoming the youngest double world champion, had lots of demand on his time and attention. Nevertheless Fernando always had time for Mark whenever they had a chance to meet in the paddock. Mark understood Fernando well, he knew that under the exterior of an outspoken, seemingly arrogant young champion often with opinions so decidedly his own, laid a bashful, reserved young man, who would be much more at ease cycling on his favourite trails or reading a book at home, than having microphones poked at his face during each race weekend. 

There was something very special about Fernando that attracted Mark almost upon their first meeting. Mark couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, it could be his seemingly complex character which appeared aloof and self-centred from the outside, yet endearing, caring and warm, once he opened up and allow someone into his trusted circle, which by then Mark was definitely part of. Sometimes, Mark would muse that it could also be something superficial, like his looks, beautiful perfectly chiselled features framed by a glorious head of lustrous brown curls. Mark had always been attracted to Fernando's eyes, in fact they were the first thing that caught his attention for they always seemed to be burning bright with passion and determination. Whatever it was, Mark was head over heels in love with his young friend before long. Unfortunately for the Aussie, he also realized that this love was not mutual, as Fernando already had that special someone. Mark was one of the very few who knew about Fernando and Kimi. Fernando did not talk much about it, but Mark knew that he was deliriously happy in the relationship with the Finn. To Mark, the two of them were such a study in contrast, both in their looks and temperament, yet he could tell that they complement each other perfectly and were totally happy together. Mark had seen them together in private, secretly holding hands when they thought no one was watching, looking so beautiful and contented in each other’s company. Mark knew then that he did not stand a chance at all, and all he could do was to keep his own emotions in check and maintain his friendship with Fernando. It was also the desire to keep a distance from the object of his affection, so as to protect his own heart, that prompted Mark to refuse the chance to be Fernando's teammate in Renault when the opportunity arose.

However, in the fall of 2009, Mark could sense that something was amiss with his friend. Mark was sure that it was not due to worries over the state of his friend's sporting career, for even though he had been having a torrid year in an uncompetitive Renault, his driving was better than ever and he had just signed to join the greatest team of all the following year. Things were definitely looking up for Fernando again. But the man himself was not looking right. Mark had spotted on some occasions that Fernando's eyes were somewhat swollen and red, and in unguarded moments his eyes seemed full of pain. Mark was very concerned for his friend but could not find a way to help not knowing what had happened. Eventually it all came to him, after the penultimate race of the season in Brazil, where Mark celebrated his second win. After the Red Bull celebrations, Mark found Fernando drinking alone in the hotel bar. Fernando was not one who drank often, not when he won nor when he had a bad race. Even though Fernando retired in the race, Mark was sure that he was not drinking for this reason. By the time Mark found him, Fernando was already quite drunk, and after much coaxing by Mark, he managed to drag the Spaniard back to his hotel room. Mark had thought to leave once Fernando settled for the night, however, his friend insisted on drinking some more, grabbing whatever liquor there was in the mini bar. When Mark tried to stop him, Fernando finally broke down and sobbed. Through his tears, the Spaniard told his best friend how his relationship with Kimi was no more. He looked so desolate and heartbroken that all Mark could do was to hold him tight and murmured soothing words to him. Eventually the sobbing stopped and Fernando calmed down, drifting off to sleep in Mark's arms. The Aussie wished he could hold him in his arms forever, and could not remember how long they remained thus. Finally Mark set him down on the bed when Fernando had fallen into a deep sleep and left him there for the night. At that time, Mark was cautious to keep his feelings for Fernando well hidden, as he did not want to take advantage of the Spaniard when he was still so emotionally fragile.

They remained good friends through 2010 even when they were direct competitors for the championship. Alas both were unlucky to lose out in the end, Mark was not sure if he was more sad for himself or for Fernando for losing out on the crown at the last step. The fierce competition that year did not harm their friendship in any way, in fact they became closer than ever. By now, Mark was finding it really hard to suppress his feelings for Fernando, but he could not see another way as he was sure that Fernando only treated him as a friend and the fear of losing even this made Mark keep his feelings firmly in check. 

The following year was not kind to either of them, as the winning was mostly done by another person. Despite their keenly felt frustrations, both were able to take solace from the encouragements from each other. 

Mark would always have fond recollections of the British GP that year. He has scored the pole position and had hope to be able to finally add to his win tally that day. Unfortunately in the mixed conditions at the start, he lost the lead to his teammate. However, Fernando was able to come through with a splendid drive and eventually won the race for his team, their only win that year. Mark managed to battle back to third and was well pleased to be able to share a podium with Fernando. After the excitement of the race, Mark returned home after fulfilling his post race obligations and was planning on taking it easy that evening, when there was a knock on his door. Not expecting any guest, Mark was rather surprised to hear the knock and even more so when he found a rather sheepish looking Fernando at his door. The Aussie expected him to be celebrating with his team, but Fernando explained that he had sneaked away as the noise was getting to him and with a mighty spout lamented that Mark had never invited him to his house despite them being such good mates, hence he had to resort to inviting himself and turning up without announcement. With a cheeky grin, Fernando then presented Mark with an exquisite box of chocolates, saying that it was a present to atone for his beating of Mark and his teammate, to which Mark replied that Fernando beating his teammate was in itself a lovely present to him, but he would gladly accept Fernando's chocolates all the same. The two shared a lovely dinner cooked by Mark, and not wishing the evening to end so soon, settled down on the comfy sofa to watch a movie together. 

Shortly after the start of the show, Mark could sense Fernando, exhausted by the race and excitement of winning, drifting off to sleep, so he adjusted his position to make Fernando more comfortable and gently rested the Spaniard's head on his own shoulder. The situation to Mark was almost surreal, to have the man whom he loved so dearly resting peacefully by his side, in his arms. Fernando looked utterly adorable when asleep on his shoulder. Mark couldn't help but admire his beautiful long eyelashes fanned out under his closed eyes and his perfectly chiselled jaw line. Without realizing it, his hand started gently stroking Fernando's silky curls which prompted the most delightful and delicate mews from his sleeping friend. By then Mark was rather overwhelmed by the situation and was no longer able to suppress his feelings for the man in his arms. He pressed a gentle kiss on his hair, and started to articulate his deep feelings for Fernando, how he was in love with his strength of character and warm personality, how Fernando's company made him happy even if he was in the foulest of moods, and how he wished he could be more than just friends with the Spaniard, even though he knew that it could never be. Mark did not know how long he continued in his soliloquy, he felt so good to finally be able to say it all out without fearing the consequence since Fernando would not be able to hear it, being sound asleep.

It was with some considerable shock that Mark felt his shoulder getting damp, and upon looking saw a streak of tears wetting Fernando's cheeks. At Mark's gasp, Fernando opened his eyes, face flushed a deep red. Utterly embarrassed, Mark was at a loss for words and expected Fernando to get up and leave. However, the Spaniard kept his position close by his side, and slowly joined his hands with Mark's. He moved his head even closer and with eyes closed, gently pressed his lips upon Mark's lips. Stunned, Mark stayed momentarily frozen, but the sweet taste of Fernando's lips upon his own ignited a fire within him and within seconds the chaste kiss developed into a fierce passionate one, which then led on to both retiring to Mark's room to demonstrate just how much they were in love with the other. Looking back, Mark always thought that it was indeed a most beautiful day.

The next morning, Mark woke with Fernando curled up by his side. He could scarcely believe that his most cherished dream had come true and held on to his lover tightly, treasuring this special moment. This woke Fernando, and with a brilliant smile for Mark, Fernando took the initiative to lead Mark to continue with where they left off the previous night, keen to savour the new and exciting love just discovered. They then shared a lazy morning together. After some gentle teasing from Mark that Fernando drooled on his shoulder during his confession last night which was countered by some indignant denial from the Spaniard, the mood turned serious and Fernando explained what transpired. Being a light sleeper, he had woken when Mark began stroking his hair. He heard Mark's outpouring of feelings and was saddened by the fact that Mark had suffered for so long with what the Aussie had believed was unrequited love, hence the tears. At the same time, he was also incredibly happy and touched by Mark's deep feelings . Fernando assured Mark that these feelings were returned, although he could not name the time, place or what he was doing, when he realized he had fallen in love with his best friend. His feelings for Mark grew so gradually over the last couple of years that he was in the middle of it before he knew he had begun. Fernando revealed that he had not expected Mark to have loved him so long, since the Aussie had kept his feelings so well hidden, and that he had turned up at Mark's house, after much gathering of courage, hoping to gauge if he had any chance at all of getting Mark to return his feelings. Having finally come to an understanding of each other's feelings and wishes, they resolved to always be open with each other about how they felt. The couple spent a most blissful few days at Mark's house, where they were finally able to fully enjoy the deep love between them, and did not emerge until it was absolutely necessary to prepare for the next race.

Thereafter, their relationship grew from strength to strength. The next season saw Fernando driving one of the finest season ever seen from a driver, but was ultimately let down by his car and poor luck at crucial moments to have the championship slipped from his grasp. Fernando was so glad to have Mark as his rock, as the Aussie showered him with unwavering support and utter devotion, and was instrumental in helping him get through the stress of competition and misery of defeat.

The following year, Mark had decided, after much discussion with Fernando, to retire from F1 and pursue another form of motorsport. Fernando was reluctant to let him go, since it would mean that they would not be together during race weekends and there would be more separation from each other. But he understood that Mark had lost interest and motivation for the sport and it was time for him to move on. The last race in Brazil was an emotional one for both. Fernando took the chance just before race start to give Mark a big tight hug, something that he would never dare under the scrutiny of eyes all round the world given that their relationship was secret, but the occasion of this being Mark's last race in F1 gave him the perfect excuse to do it. As they hugged, Fernando whispered to Mark that he loved him and hoped that Mark will have a lot of fun in this last race. As Fernando uttered those words in his ear, Mark almost kissed him on the cheek, but realizing where they were, managed to catch himself right at the last moment. As it turned out, Mark indeed had a lot of fun during the race. Despite not winning the race, Mark was able to battle on track with his Fernando one more time, and he thoroughly enjoyed it. Sharing a podium and spraying champagne on each other was the icing on the cake. There was indeed nothing more that Mark could ask for from his last F1 race.

The next year involved a lot more time apart from each other, a situation both were unhappy about. With the return of Kimi as his teammate, Fernando was initially a bit wary of how Mark would view this reunion of sorts. When he summoned his courage to bring this up to Mark, he was heartened by Mark's full confidence in him. The year was not plain sailing for them though, as the forced separations from each other sometimes took its toll and ended up in quarrels and even tears. However, they were able to cool down and make up with the other quickly each time. On occasion, it also resulted in surprise visits from one to the other, although such surprises usually came from Mark as Fernando's race schedule was much more compact. On their career front, this was a nice settling-in year for Mark, whereas for Fernando, it proved to be much more momentous as after years of being let down by uncompetitive cars, he made the decision to leave his beloved Scuderia to return to the team that he fell out with in a rather spectacular fashion. In the ensuing media circus when rumours of such a big move broke, Fernando considered himself lucky to be able to count on Mark's love and support which definitely helped in him maintaining his sanity amidst all the craziness.

Now in 2015, Mark thought that they could almost be considered as an old married couple, having been through so much together their bond was strong and unbreakable. They have started to plan what they would do together in future when both retired and were no longer in the limelight. They wanted to travel the world together, not for work, but for the simple pleasure of exploring all those places together. Then they would settle down and start a family. Mark couldn't help but smile brightly each time he thought about their future, he was really looking forward to spending all his time with Fernando with no more of the pesky forced time apart. That dream took quite a hard knock early in the year though. Mark could still remember how terrified he was when he learnt of Fernando's crash during the pre-season winter test. He was unfortunately not with him at Barcelona, but he did all he could to get the first flight there and rushed all the way to the hospital. Fernando was still unconscious when his partner arrived at the hospital. Mark broke down in tears, fearing the worst, and was pulled into a tight hug by Jenson, who although also looking quite distraught himself, did his best to calm his best friend. The wait at the hospital was long and torturous, but finally they were told Fernando had awoken and they could see him. Mark's heart broke when he saw Fernando, looking so pale and small on the hospital bed, with all the monitors and drip attached to him. Fernando gave him a small smile, and Mark rushed forward to clutch his hand, tears falling anew. Fernando had to reassure Mark that he was fine, despite the heavy impact. Fortunately, all was found to be good with him after extensive medical tests and examinations through a three night stay. Fernando was getting restless, being confined to the hospital bed, but Mark concurred with the doctors that he needed to stay there. and tried his best to keep his Fer entertained, together with Jenson, who visited quite a few times over the three days. On one such visit, Mark suggested in a half serious tone that he entrust the safety of his little lion to Jenson, his new teammate and he would go after Jenson should his Fer so much as lose a hair. Fernando was blushing furiously and looked utterly adorable. Mark had so wanted to grab him and kiss him there and then, but for the presence of Jenson. The Brit was one of the few besides family who knew of their relationship, having walked in on them in a tight embrace when he arrived unannounced at Mark's cool down room in Redbull early in their relationship. Their secret was safe with Jenson, although they did have to endure a fair amount of teasing in private from the Brit. 

Mark was immensely relieved when Fernando was released from the hospital, and took prodigious care of his partner in the days after. The accident made Mark realized that he couldn't quite survive without Fernando, although being a fellow racer, he could understand much more than others the risk faced each time they took to the track and this threat would always be part of their chosen career. When Fernando returned to the race track after missing the opening round, Mark was sad to see him suffer more difficulties with an uncompetitive and unreliable car, but as usual he provided unwavering love and support to his man. 

It was thus that they came to the eight round of the season. Fernando was upbeat despite being penalized with a hefty grid drop due to various changes in his PU, he had new upgrades on the car that he was eager to test out in the race. Mark had always knew of Fernando's resilience and relentlessness in competition, but this year, Fernando had further rose in his estimation in how he remained so positive and resolute in his goals even in such adversity. This amazing indomitable spirit at such a difficult point of his career had made Mark love Fernando even more.

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Kimi was momentarily frozen with fear for the safety of the driver whom he had so heavily crashed into. Of all people, it had to be his Nano. His Nano who was having such a horrible season with no luck at all at each race. He knew that Fernando had extensive upgrades to his car that he needed to test, and after three previous DNFs, the Spaniard was so hoping to at least finish this race. But he had to be the one to crash into him, ruining his race, his upgrades and far worst, possibly injuring him. In the terror of the crash, Kimi literally had his life flashed before his eyes and a large part of the recollection involved his time with Fernando. His Nano, who however much he tried to deny, had still had a special place in his heart. 

It was with great relief that Kimi sensed a movement in the car above his, and then saw a pair of white clad legs dangled momentarily from the car before the man himself jumped down. Fernando had gotten out of the car on his own and now stood next to him, asking Kimi in a concerned voice if he was ok and extending his hand to help him out. Kimi felt so thankful to see Fernando safe, and he finally managed to summon his arms to move and started to stand. He nodded to Fernando to indicate he was all right but ignored his extended hand. The Finn did not dare to have any contact with Fernando. With his emotions running high, he was fearful that once he took Fernando's hand, he might never want to let it go. He quickly jumped out of his car, with the Spaniard still hovering nearby, ready to lend a hand. Kimi wanted to shout at Fernando to bugger off and leave him alone. He couldn't stand that Fernando was still so concerned and kind to him, despite being the innocent party who had his race and car ruined, and placed in unnecessary danger. He couldn't do that of course, so he remained cold and mute, and started to walk away from the tangled cars. Fernando walked alongside him, and as both of them turned back to take one more look at the stricken cars, the Spaniard started to say that he had felt so scared for Kimi when he found his car on top of his, and was so glad that he was all right. To all these, Kimi could only nod. He could not respond with any words nor actions, as the only thing that he wanted to do right then was to envelop his Nano in a tight embrace and never let him go again.

Kimi quickly jumped over the guardrails with Fernando following him. A marshal on a bike was waiting to take them back to the pitlane. Without another look at Fernando, Kimi jumped on the bike and sped away, leaving the Spaniard with the mess that he had created. He simply had to get away fast before doing something that would expose his feelings.

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Jenson was so relieved to hear from his race engineer that Fernando was ok and had gotten out of the car on his own. He forced himself to concentrate on the race ahead. Unfortunately it was short for him and within a few laps after the safety car, a sensor issue had forced his retirement. 

As he was wheeled into the garage, he looked to the other side, hoping to catch a glimpse of his teammate who would probably be in discussion with his side of the garage on what happened. Not seeing Fernando there renewed his fears however. Jumping out of the car, he walked towards Andrea, who had just returned from the pitwall and enquired the whereabouts of his teammate. He was told that Fernando had gone to the medical centre for precautionary checks, as the impact was a hefty 40G. Jenson felt nervous on hearing that, immediately recalling the heavy preseason crash his teammate suffered. He had wanted to follow Andrea to the medical centre to check on Fernando, but was halted in his steps when his race engineer approached him to discuss the issues on his car.

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Mark didn’t realize he was holding his breath when he stood rooted in front of the TV showing the carnage of the crashed cars. The camera was zoomed onto the stationary cars stacked on top of each other and the seconds that it took to finally see the McLaren driver moving and getting out of the car seemed like an eternity to Mark. At last, he could see that his Fer seemed all right, and he heaved a big sigh of relief. The Aussie saw Fernando jumping out of the car, and stood next to his former teammate, ready to help him get out of the car. The camera soon moved away from the two drivers and refocused on the action on the track. Mark had lost all interest in the race and was only concerned for the well being of his beloved. Although Fernando had seemed fine, Mark couldn’t help but worry deeply as this looked to be another heavy crash just a few months after the unfortunate Barcelona incident. His immediate impulse was to call Fernando but quickly remembered that he wouldn’t have his phone with him. Andrea or Jenson would not be available either. Hence, Mark could only pick up his ipad to scour the web and twitter for more information on what happened. 

Gradually more information emerged and Mark found out what happened that led to the crash. Then he saw the alarming news that both drivers had to go to the medical centre for checks as the impact was huge. Mark was again thrown into turmoil and loathed the fact that he was not there with Fernando and could only get updates on his condition from slow and unreliable sources. He decided that he had to get himself to Austria to make sure for himself that his Fer was all right, and promptly booked the first flight to Austria.

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Kimi was a bit irritated that he had to go to the medical centre for a check up as he felt that he was absolutely fine, but it was mandatory given how heavy the crash was. At the medical centre, the Finn spotted Fernando there as well but did not stop to talk to him. He had wanted to apologize to Fernando for crashing into him and putting him in danger but couldn’t find the words to express himself so he decided to leave it till later. After he was given the all clear by the doctor, it was back to the motorhome to change out of his race suit before a trip to the stewards office and then meeting the press for the post race interviews. The media all descended upon him and grilled him on what happened. Hiding behind his sunglasses, the Finn gave some vague answers to the questions despite the best efforts of the media to get more out of him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Fernando coming into the interview pen as well. He did not see him at the steward’s office but guessed that the Spaniard must had been there as well. He wondered what Fernando had said to the stewards. Given his situation with the contract renewal hanging in the balance, any penalty handed out by the stewards would only add to his woes. However, Kimi knew that even if Fernando had blamed him for the accident in front of the stewards, he would be justified to do so since he was the innocent party and suffered heavy damage to his car which could possibly lead to further repercussions for his next race.

Amidst his musings, Kimi saw his former teammate approaching him in the middle of his interview with the Spanish TV crew. As Fernando stood in front of him, the Finn again felt a stir within him, and was thankful that he had kept his sunglasses on. Fernando asked if his check up went well, to which Kimi merely nodded and gave a monosyllable answer. The Spaniard went back to his media duties, leaving Kimi feeling quite bereft of his presence. The Finn knew that his own behaviour was rude as he twice brushed off Fernando’s concerns, but there was nothing he could do. He was afraid of what would happen should he even showed a hint of the emotions that he was trying so hard to control.

Soon after he returned to the garage, Kimi was told by his team manager that the stewards had decided that both drivers were deemed to be not at fault and there would be no further action taken. He also heard that Fernando had told the stewards that he thought it was a racing incident and that Kimi just seemed to have lose control of the car due to cold tyres and poor grip. Kimi felt a sense of relief for escaping penalties and at the same time touched that Fernando was so fair and kind to him, even though the Spaniard had been the innocent party and suffered the crash due to no fault of his own. The Finn resolved to look for Fernando at his motorhome to at least offer a word of apology.

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After the debrief, Jenson continued with his media duties. Fernando was at the stewards office and hence not at the interview pen yet. Earlier, Jenson was relieved to hear that the medical for Fernando revealed no ill effects suffered. Nevertheless, Jenson wanted to see Fernando in person so that he could confirm for himself that his teammate was truly fine. As the Brit finished his interviews and left the pen, he saw Fernando coming in for his turn. He would have to wait some more for a chance to speak to his teammate

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Mark was waiting to board the flight to Austria. On his way to the airport, he received a text from Andrea that Fernando was fine and the check up at the medical centre gave him the all clear. The Aussie felt immense relief and was very grateful to Andrea for giving him the update. He quickly called the Italian and spoke with him, with the latter again assuring Mark that Fernando was fine. As Fernando had gone on to do his post race media duties, Mark was not able to speak with him personally. 

The TV in the boarding room was showing the action on track in Austria. He nearly jumped up when he saw Fernando’s interview come up. Unfortunately he couldn’t hear the interview as the volume was turned down and there were constant noises rumbling in the busy airport. Fernando seemed quite relaxed and had a smile on his face despite his ordeal. Still Mark couldn’t wait to see him so that he could hold him in his arms and ensure that everything was fine with the man whom he loved so deeply. He had sent a text to Fernando telling him that he was very glad that he was all right. Mark had also spoken briefly to Jenson who reassured him that his little lion was fine and didn’t lose a single strand of hair so Mark couldn’t come after him. The Aussie had hoped to speak with Fernando before he boarded but the Spaniard was still engaged in his post race duties. Looking at his watch, there was another thirty minutes before the flight departure. He would try to call Fernando again.

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As the race was nearing the end, Kimi decided that he would go back to his cool down room before heading out to look for Fernando. Before long, the race ended and just as Kimi was about to leave, his teammate came bursting through the door, looking rather anxious and expressed great worry about how Kimi was. The Finn felt touched by the younger man's concern for him but at that instant was not in a state of mind for his teammate’s usual verbosity. Luckily for Kimi, his teammate had yet to do his post race interviews and the Finn was able to excuse himself quite quickly. He headed discreetly towards the McLaren motorhome.

Jenson was in his cool down room, watching the post race coverage on TV. Finally he heard the door to the next room opened and knew that Fernando was back. He approached his teammate’s room and knocked. Hearing a soft bid to come in, he opened the door to see Fernando looking at his phone, with a warm smile on his face. It was obvious who had messaged his teammate.

“Hey! Everything all right, Fernando?”

“Not too bad, bit sore, but lucky to escape unhurt. Was so scared for Kimi when my car went on top of his.”

Jenson noticed that his teammate looked rather tired, and felt something tug at his heart. "Yeah, that was a big shunt, so glad you are both ok. Scared me out of my wits when I saw it"

"No worries, we are both ok. But the car was wrecked. I didn't even get to run a full lap with the upgrades" Fernando sighed and looked down.

Jenson felt that tug at his heart again, and went up to the Spaniard giving him a gentle hug, taking care to keep it brief.

"Don't worry about it mate. It'll be ok, all that matters is that you are well."

Fernando smiled at Jenson and returned his hug "Thanks. Am lucky to have you as my teammate. I've heard your radio. And you slowed down to check on us. Saw it on twitter"

The Brit felt his heart skipped a beat and heat creeping up his neck. He quickly quipped "Well, I had to check cos I was entrusted with your safety. You know who would kick my ass if anything happened to you!"

Fernando blushed and nodded on being reminded of what Mark said at the Barcelona hospital.

"As it is, I have already spoken to him and assured him that you haven't lost a single strand of your hair" Jenson continued.

His teammate laughed. "Well, I hope he didn't sound too much like my mother when interrogating you!"

As if Mark knew that he was the object of their conversation, Fernando's phone started to buzz at that moment.

"Ah, speak of the devil. I best leave you with him" With a smile and gentle clap on his teammate's shoulder, Jenson left the room. His smile dropped slightly once he stepped out of the room, feeling that familiar pang of envy.

Fernando accepted the call eagerly.

"Mate, you all right?" Mark's familiar voice sounded anxious.

"Si si, I am fine. Don't worry."

"Well, it’s pretty tough not to when you are thousands of miles away and something like this happened. There wasn't much detail of what happened to you on the TV."

"You did get Andrea's message, didn’t you? Jenson said he spoke to you as well. Sorry I couldn't call you as I didn't have my phone with me and I was rushed from place to place after the incident. I just got back to my room and saw your message."

"I did get Andrea's message and talked to Jense. But nothing beats talking to you. I miss you so much, Fer. Sorry I am not with you now"

"I miss you too, Mark. Wish you were here" Fernando sighed, counting the number of days to the following week when they had planned to be together again just before the British GP. With what had happened today, he was not sure how he could endure being apart from Mark for so many more days. How he wished he was in Mark's arms right now.

"Well, I am...." The last call for boarding sounded just then, drowning out the rest of Mark's words.

"Where are you, Mark?"

Mark waited for the announcement to be done before replying "At the airport, boarding soon. Am coming to see you, Fer."

"What? You are coming here? But I thought you have some events with your team tomorrow?" Fernando was beaming now, and got very excited by the prospect of seeing his other half soon.

"Hey, nothing is more important then you, Fer. You don't think I can sleep without seeing for myself that you are fine, do you?"

"Well, I am fine, so you don't have to worry."

"Ah, so I can cancel my flight and forget about coming?" Mark teased.

"Oh no no no, you said you will come!" 

"Sure I will mate. Nothing will stop me. I will stay a few days with you in Austria, you have that in-season test, don't you?"

"Yeah, the tests start Tuesday and I drive Wednesday. Change of plans as some of upgrades are damaged and we need more time to get new parts from the factory. I have tomorrow off, maybe we can do something together, like take a bike round the track. It's a beautiful circuit."

"Sure thing, I'll love that. But first I've got to make sure you are ok. I will give you a most thorough examination when I get here." Mark's voiced dipped to a low sexy tone which made Fernando blushed and stomach flutter.

"Got to go now, last call for boarding. See you at the hotel. Love you, Fer"

"I love you too, Mark"

As he disconnected the call, Mark hurried towards the boarding gate. It would take a few more hours before he got to see his Fernando, but his heart had already flown to Austria to be joined with the man who mattered the most to him.

 

As Jenson gently closed the door to Fernando's room, he was surprised to see Kimi standing somewhat hesitantly near the door.

"Hey Kimi, you all right there?"

"Hi. I'm ok"

"Here to see Fernando? He's on the phone, with Mark. Is it something urgent that you need to talk to Fernando about?" 

Kimi could feel his heart sunk a little in disappointment, despite his best efforts to remain neutral and unaffected. He knew about Fernando and Mark. He was not told specifically by anyone, but he knew. He figured it out not long after his return to the circus. All those looks and touches between Fernando and Mark revealed a lot to Kimi, especially as he knew the Spaniard so well and could recognize the look of love and admiration shining through his eyes. A look that he used to be familiar with.

"Oh, nothing important. Just thought I'd check on him to make sure he is all right"

At that moment, they could both hear sounds of Fernando's excited voice drifting through the thin walls. Something about coming to Austria and taking a bike around the track.

"Well, he is fine, as you can hear" Jenson said with a smile.

"Yeah, I guess as much. I best be going"

"Hey wait, Kimi. You all right? Was a very close shave for you. So glad both you and Fernando are not hurt"

"Yeah, lucky that"

"Listen, how about I buy you a drink? Think we all need something strong after all that happened!"

Kimi nodded in agreement, as Jenson put his arm around his shoulder and walked alongside him, planning to go somewhere in search of something fortifying. 

They both took another look at the door shielding them from the man on the other side, as a soft voice declaring words of love drifted through. Both of them felt a mix of bitter sweetness in their hearts. They each knew that their wishes for more with this man who meant so much to them would never be, but what mattered was that he was safe and well, and happy. That really was all that mattered.


End file.
